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Qiang-Zi

she who stares into your soul
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- > This weeks playlist < - 

1. Heartsdales / Fantasy
2. OLIVIA / Space Halo
3. ORIGA / Aurora
4. EPICA / The Holographic Principle - A Profound
Understanding Of Reality


Hope you enjoy! it starts with jpop and ends with metal. 
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february 16

7 min read
---> Click here for this week's music journal! <---

Theme: Angsty Songs From Qiang's Teens


EPICA / Feint (Acoustic)

Every beat of your heart
Tore the lies all apart
Made foundations quiver
Every wave in the lake
Caused the porcelain to break
And I shiver

Epica is a band that has been popular amongst the metal scene for a really long time, but my first glimpse of their music led me to believe it was too operatic for my little teenage tastes. By chance I ended up with some of their music on my mp3 player (it was probably part of a metal compilation) and the first time I heard this song I was 15, waiting in the backseat of my mom's car while she was at work to go to my pottery class later that day (I think this was around the same time I was reading Wildwood Dancing and Tithe, which are both great YA fantasy novels) and I absolutely fell in love with this song.
Not just because Simone's vocals are beautiful but because I really found the lyrics to be especially creative and touching and idk man this song is still one of my favorites to this day. 
(yes I was reading books listening to my 2gb mp3 player, i was a bit oldschool even for 2008. I was out of school. It was blazing hot and the commute from our house was too out of the way for her so I toughed it out) 


ANGTORIA / Do You See Me Now

Hate the reflection
That I see
Wish I could claw away
My skin

I discovered Angtoria when I was around 15-16 years old. I can't even remember how I came across their music but I felt like the moment I turned them on their music was everything I had been wanting to hear. This song is eerie instrumental-wise, which is probably why I like it so much. The lyrics are quite obviously about self-harm (TW). I was such a gloomy (read: depressed), angry teenager I felt like this song hit home and man, even when I listen to it now I get all angsty all over again. I'm also annoyed Angtoria never released anything after this album too. 


KRYPTERIA / The Promise

Should I sign
And end this lifelong stream
Of broken dreams, of failures
Shattered hopes
Of trials and tribulations?

Pretty sure I've posted this song before. I came across this band probably on Pandora, and I've always been super into heavy music with very feminine sounding vocals, which drew me in immediately (plus the Latin-singing choir in the chorus). I found this band around the time I was 16, and related to it to an extent that it was stuck on repeat fooooor quite a while. The lyrics are about making a deal with the devil (hence 'The Promise'). Errr not that I've done that, but i had been experiencing the situation where it was like, what good am I? 


NIGHTWISH / Nemo

Oh, how I wish
For soothing rain
Oh, how I wish to dream again

My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything


All the artwork I produced listening to this gem of a song I found on one of DirecTV's music channels when I was 13. Nemo (which means 'nobody' in Latin) had me a dramatic, poetry-writing and angsty teen all the way up until I found more of their music. LOL. I shared this song with everyone, all my friends, everyone. It was the first I'd heard of symphonic metal and I fell in love. It set my emo heart alight. You see the way Tarja is forever looking down, wearing that black eyeshadow? That's still me 98% of the time. No lie though, I'm in a committed relationship with this band. 

WITHIN TEMPTATION / Forsaken

Now the day has come
We are forsaken
There's no time anymore

Life
Will pass us by
We are forsaken
We're the last of our kind 

I was about 14 when I heard this song, I think. Good old WT. This song is fitting when you've got the "we're all doomed" mantra going on inside your head. I actually think this song is about the ruination of mankind and thus the failure of the gods mentioned in the lyrics, but that's just my opinion. I love Woke songs like this that calls mankind out. I loved being emotionally connected to this song and feeling the same desperation. So good. 


LACUNA COIL / Kill The Light

Hold me, teach me
Tell me what to do
But I'm not looking for a guide
I can't stand the light
Of the day outside
Feeling so cold inside your shadow

Cristina's voice just does things to me, this song was definitely more of an angry song for me. I feel like it went hand in hand with my Aquarius' god complex, even before I knew I had an Aquarius god-complex. Think 19, post break-up, emotionally constipated Qiang with a lot of pent up rage. This band is great seeing in concert. 


EVANESCENCE / My Heart Is Broken

I will wander till the end of time
Torn away from you
I pulled away to face the pain
I close my eyes and drift away

Another song from my late teens (18). This song came out at the perfect time because around that age I was dealing with mixed feelings and disappointments and heartbreak -- possibly the first time I felt heartbreak aside from daddy issues. Amy Lee's voice touches a part of my heart that no one else can reach and a lot of times her music can make me weep emotionally. "My heart is broken, release me, I can't hold on."  
I was so fragile at that age, I hate to admit.


WE ARE THE FALLEN / Tear The World Down

I've fought another day
Lose another chance to break away
From all I cannot bear
Suffer through the shame
Wishing hope would just abandon me
Till this is over

Besides this song having an amazing intro and outro (the outro never fails to give me chills), the lyrics at times hit home when things get overwhelming, and especially at the time I first heard it which waaaas probably around 2009/2010 (16,17). I feel like when I listen to angsty music like this all my shredded up emotions blossom all over again but I can never find a way to stitch them all together and heal them. Where'd that come from. Moving on.


AFTER FOREVER / Empty Memories

We know only sorrow
There's no future in tomorrow
All our hopes were buried too young
For the years that should have followed
We know only hatred
There's no future in our anguish 
For all hope is buried with life and reprisal will be ours
It's empty, we're empty
They're empty memories

For the days depression hit hard and I felt hollow. Enough said. 


ELUVEITIE / Dessumiis Luge

Andedion uediíumi diíiuion risun
Artiu Mapon Aruerriíatin, Mapon Aruerriíatin
Lopites sní eððdic sos brixtía anderon

Lucion Floron Nigrinon Adgarion
Aemilíon Paterin Claudíon Legitumon
Caelion Pelign
Claudío Pelign
Marcion Uictorin Asiatícon Aððedillí

From the video description this song is "an oath invocation sworn in the name of Lugh, the sun god, to curse the leaders of the Roman army during the Gallic War, which happened around 58-51 B.C. in the reign of Julius Caesar." and it is, of course, sung in ancient Gaulish. 
Nothing fits anger quite as well as a song cursing army leaders in an ancient language. 


CRADLE OF FILTH / Nymphetamine 

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discolours all with tunnel vision

*runs hands down face*



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12/29

3 min read
I'VE BEEN WORKING SORRY 






CocoRosie / Fairy Paradise (Live)
Let me give you a heads up -- CocoRosie is by far one of the weirdest bands I know, and I've been a fan of them since I was 15. The thing about their music though is you either appreciate the eccentricity or are turned off by it. This song has so many different elements, with typically strange lyrics and unique vocals, but it all combines into this beautiful, emotional, different song. I really like this song a lot (then again I am an Aquarius if that says anything). 




Kerli / Spirit Animal
A recent release from MY GIRL. KERLI. Usually I can understand what direction she was heading in for a song so I can vibe with it. This song is pretty cool, not as good as her other new songs but still a good listen. I have a feeling the video for this would make the song even better but idk. 




Jewel / Foolish Games
I drove to work the other day listening to this song. It's weird how you can listen to a song a million times growing up, but it never really touches you until you're old enough to actually connect with it. This song is so simple, just piano, violin and vocals, but the lyrics are raw and emotional and I dunno, it dawned on me how beautiful this song is. It had me all up in my feels.




Desiigner / Panda (Bass Boosted)
Honestly this is played so much when my chat groupwatches netflix. Panda is already one of those songs you can chill to, but when it's bass boosted it's 100x better. 




Fetty Wap / Trap Queen (Crankdat Future Remix) (Bass Boosted)
I hate the computerized woman's voice this channel uses in the beginning, but this remix is sooooooo good. I mean I already love Trap Queen but the bass boost and the remix just make it *pacha meme*




Joe Hisaishi feat. 800 Member Chorus / Carrying You (Laputa)
My journal is super bipolar at this point but listen to me. Listen. I've never seen Laputa but this performance takes my breath away it is so beautiful. After the child choir in the intro and the rest of the chorus joins in, i get chills. i feel like I've posted this before because there's no way this is the first time I'm sharing it. ANYWAYS it's amazing & i love it. 

o/ o/ 
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How long has it been? Probably just a week, but it feels longer than that. 
Unfortunately a lot of songs I want to feature in this journal weren't available on youtube, so I'm having to break down the playlist into individual songs. I won't be all posting them on stash because I don't want to get in trouble, so try to bear with me!


1. NAMIE AMURO / Golden Touch

I GRINNED THE WHOLE DURATION OF THIS VIDEO. Maybe I'm just easily pleased, but this song -- which is SO DARN CATCHY combined with this adorable video totally made my day. It's awesome. 


2. UTADA HIKARU / Ore No Kanojo

MP3

No Preview

Okay, listen up. LISTEN UP. MY GIRL HIKKI SINGING IN FRENCH IS SUCH A DARN BLESSING. I've been listening to this song obsessively because it's so good. So beautiful. *pacha meme* i love it. i'm so proud of her.*gets emotional*


3. AKIKO SHIKATA / Wokashi

MP3

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Akiko Shikata as in the same chick who did Ricordando Il Passato, if you're familiar with that masterpiece. This song is so good and full of energy while maintaining a traditional Japanese sound (which is beautiful, of course). Akiko's voice is so unique and lovely too IT. IS. A. PLEASURE. 

4. BANGTAN BOYS / Blood Sweat and Tears

 *PACHA MEMES HARD* This song is super energetic and catchy and the video has an amazing concept, aesthetic, sexiness and edginess without coming off gimmicky like a lot of Kpop music videos can. This band is one of the few bands that continually improves with each album and this song proves it. So listen to it. Right now.

5. ORIGA / Aurora 

This is a song I still gotta hold onto my butt for. Origa made such lovely music, I was really sad to find out she'd passed away from cancer. If you're unfamiliar with her, she did the two openings for Ghost In The Shell, 'Rise' and 'Inner Universe'. Aurora is a dreamy song sung in Russian with some French thrown in (with the lyrics being quite nice), and it'll transport you to somewhere else when you listen to it. It has such a nice, chill vibe it's one of those songs u gotta close ur eyes for. Wait, does anyone else do that? 
(rip origa)

6. EPICA / Once Upon A Nightmare

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Speaking of holding onto butts, this song immediately became my favorite off The Holographic Principle. There is so much in this song that will give you goosebumps, from the beautiful symphonic elements, the choir, Simone's GORGEOUS VOCALS, the eerie, consistent melody throughout the song or the guitars -- the guitars, oh my god. "what guitars?" WAIT UNTIL THEY COME IN UR MIND WILL BE BLOWN. It's just an overall fantastic song & I feel blessed listening to it. Honestly. EPICA's music just gets better and better and to this day they remain my favorite band. 
Because they're epic.
This song is great listen to it.

7. HYDE / HELLO

This is an oldie (2003) but a goodie. I heard this song recently and it brought back so many memories. Japanese music has always been good to me, I don't know why I neglected it for so long. (Yes I do, I didn't want to blend in with the weeaboos) When I watch this video it really makes me realize that it's from a different era now, and that a lot of people into Japanese music now probably aren't familiar with that era while it was the era that had such a huge impact on my life. I'm pretty sure I have this song's intro permanently embedded in my memory. First note and I'd recognize it. Enough sappiness. This is still a great song, I love Hyde's voice.




Anyways that's all for now. Enjoy! \o/ 
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9/29

1 min read
>> Click here for this week's music playlist! <<

genres: pop, k-hiphop, errr slow indie?, symphonic metal, electronic, lana del rey's pseudo-60s daddy genre, some 70s styled pop in there, broods which is nice & i can vibe with, kimbra which i guess is pop, etc. its great. sorry im like 3 weeks late 



o/ o/ 


-Qiang
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